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A New Moon Cycle
It’s been a month now since my spiritual crisis began, and I believe I’m moving into ‘phase four.’ I hesitate to say that I am through it, because of all of the phases and because, in life does anything really end? Our life journey — the experience of aliveness — is certainly marked by mini-deaths but the span of it seems to me to be on a continuum that never truly ends. I wonder if the same is true of our passing from this plane of existence to the next at the event we call physical death here on earth. For posterity’s sake I’d like to outline phases two and three here, for my own benefit and for anyone else who might go through such a thing. I recognize now that phase one started with an inner knowing, a ‘seeing through the matrix’ of…
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Spiritual Crisis
Writing about this feels like the biggest thing I’ve ever done, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’ll do it justice, but I have to try. I am convinced I just went through a massive spiritual crisis that manifested as a psychosomatic illness. But since I first published this post, one of my beloved spirit guides and mentors suggested that beyond psychosomatic, perhaps it was more ‘a matter of realignment, a great purging — of toxicity, lies, stories, old ways of being that are no longer suited to (my) higher vibration.’ That resonates deeply. Over the last several months, I’ve been having what I like to call ‘divine downloads’ in the shower most evenings, little mini-awakenings about myself, my family, primary relationships and the greater world around me. These little awakenings have been giving me the feeling that things are not right in…
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The Problem with Pathologizing
All of the structures are breaking down for me. And by ‘all of the structures’ I mean ALL of them: religion, politics, education, agriculture, healthcare, even the agreed-upon, well established norms of society-at-large. I don’t know how or why (well maybe I kinda know why), but all of the ways I used to make sense of the world no longer makes sense. Life is rearranging in ways big and small. I often stop myself from writing because I can’t completely make sense of what I’m feeling. But whenever I write, things do become more clear, so it seems important to at least try to describe the ways I’ve been feeling. So today, instead of focusing on ALL of the structures, I’d like to hone in on one aspect of one structure: pathologizing in healthcare. For a long time now, I’ve seen ‘healthcare’ in America…
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Life Lately, Birthday Edition
Life lately. Birthday edition. Last night, after all of the day’s celebrations, J and I danced to ‘I Hope You Dance’ by the pool … and then I had a deep cathartic cry right before bed. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and then it suddenly all made sense. Both and. I am a highly sensitive, empathic, introverted human. I love people, but I also feel everything very deeply. Unless you have these tendencies, it is hard to explain, and can be overwhelming. For a long time I overindulged to deal with and manage these feelings, but now I know how to honor them. It’s such a paradigm shift to go from a list of things that need to be fixed to making space for what’s showing up. Everything belongs. Good and bad. Both and. I cried last night, witnessing all of the…
