As humans, we are naturally feeling creatures. Emotions move through us every day, and unless we pay attention to those feelings, they can rule our very behavior. They can also make us use words to manipulate other people’s behavior.
This very thing happened to me this week. A friend of mine, someone I know pretty well, used words in a conversation with me that made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t think she meant for me to feel this way, but I do believe she used her words to achieve a result, to make herself feel better. She was hurt by me, I believe. She wanted something from me I didn’t provide to her. She had needs and looked to me to meet those needs. When I did not meet them, she used words that felt like shame to me, deep in my body, deep in my gut. It didn’t feel good.
Personally, I’m in deep transformation. I see and feel it clearly. I am being called to a new way of being and I’m happy for where I’m headed. I am scared, however, about relationships that will get left behind if I’m not honest about the reality I see.
I know I need to have a conversation with her, a conversation that will likely not be comfortable, but I’m a firm believer that the people in our lives are here to teach us. She’s certainly taught me things through the years and if I’m strong enough to initiative the conversation, I’m certain we’ll both be stronger for it.
Long story short and a challenge: the title of this post. Words harm and words heal. The next time I (you) feel the need to use words to get what I (you) want, even in a subtle way, take a deep breath, recognize the need and figure out if there is a way to (a) use words to honestly communicate it or (b) say nothing at all.
Big love to you.