being human,  breath,  embodiment,  writing

What Is Humbling

Do you want to know what is humbling? Being the least equipped, stumbling, feeling stupid … and letting it be, just as it is. I had this experience this week. I admitted my shortcomings. I wrestled with doubt. I showed up. Uttered dumb stuff. Didn’t make excuses. And I sat with a deep well of pain that continues to show me the way.

Ego tries to fix. Spirit flows, and lets things be. Ego hates the angst, tries to control it. Spirit allows it to exist without judgment. Ego makes excuses, justifies our actions. Spirit lets the Divine work it all out.

I am humbled by my inadequacy and my deep adequacy at the same time. Not either or. Both and. As perfectly imperfect humans, this is true for all of us. Each of us have many gifts, and areas of life where we don’t do well. The only thing God asks of us is that we be ourselves. Seems easy enough, right? It should be, but ego is in direct opposition to spirit, so in my experience the practice is mostly about getting out of my own way. Couple this with the fact that life isn’t static — it moves — and serious consequence can occur in our ignorance.

The body never lies, so I lean into the feelings that arise. In humility and arrogance, I lean into the former. I am only ever alone with God, and I continue to be drawn deeper into the mystery of life.

I fail often but I strive to “do justice, have mercy and walk humbly with God.” Micah 6:8

(Photo by Hendrik Cornelissen on Unsplash)