“I was raised Catholic. Not really. Well, yeah, sort of. I, like you, am a walking oxymoron. Life is not black and white and each of us have unique contradicting life experiences that seem to make sense as we grow older.”
. . .
These words came me as I was hiking yesterday. My mind thinks in words, and lots of things became clear on this hike. Hiking and writing are the two practices that tend to do that – connect the dots in ways that weren’t connected before.
I was contemplating my memoir, a memoir that’s not yet written and is waiting to be formed in my mind, and eventually on the page. I’m dragging my feet. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that others will think I think too highly of myself. I’m afraid to show that much of me. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of being brutally honest, both with myself and subsequently with others once it is in black and white.
At the same time, I have a need to write, to express myself, to tell of my human foibles and triumphs. Writing is who I am. I have led an interesting life in my 51 years. There are lots of stories to tell. I have made many mistakes; I have also been incredibly blessed and done a fair amount of good. I am grateful for all of it.
A philosophical hypothesis | If A and B then C:
If I enjoy reading about other people’s lives because I see myself in their stories, and reading memoir/non-fiction have led me to believe we are all a lot more alike than different, then fear is not a good enough reason to not do something, especially something that feels important.
Soul Fabric has always been a place to write about ideas and concepts that interest me – generally about the human experience, spirituality, embodiment, a yogic lifestyle, how all of life is connected. But it occurred to me that while I might share bits of myself, I’m not telling the full story. Too often, I’m trying to impart wisdom I’m learning (and there is nothing wrong with that); but while we’re all a lot more alike than different, we don’t always see things the same way. As I work with the concept of embodiment, I’ve also got to live it. I’ve got to tell about my direct embodied experience itself, not just the lessons I’m learning.
And this brings me to another point in my writing journey. I have written two books and an email course. I have only released one of those books out into the world because as I got to the end of the other two, life had changed so much they both felt irrelevant. They weren’t and still aren’t. Those words were a direct part of me and for this reason, I’m shifting my focus and process here. I will begin to tell some of my stories, mini-memoirs, if you will. You’ve heard the saying,”don’t die with the music still in you.” That feels a bit like what I’m doing by not writing out of fear.
Huge life changes are happening right now. It feels like an auspicious time to use this platform to tell my story as I’m living it. It feels as though having it in writing, here, will allow me to write the memoir that’s been begging to be written for years. Thank you for allowing me to share my journey. Thank you for being here.