being human,  embodiment,  learning

In Search of My Best Life

I am so incredibly blessed and grateful for this life. Truly I have everything I need. And yet, there is angst, depression at times, and a sense that things are just ‘meh’ a little more often than I’d like. WHY?

I am perplexed by the human condition, these almost daily feelings of the ‘not enoughness’ of life itself. ‘It shouldn’t be this way,’ I think. But it is. To me, that is a cue to change, to shift, to make room for wonder. I know life isn’t perfect all of the time, but there should be true joy here, in the moment, for no other reason than my aliveness. And so … I am looking at myself, looking within, asking questions, seeking ways I can live life differently … starting a course correction, if you will …

I reflect, meditate and pray every day. I am mindful; and I am completely mind-less in each and every day. I am not perfect, nor was I called to be, but I do have power and will and the ability to do better. I am in search of my best life, because this isn’t it. It is time for a reboot, starting today.

I took a social media break for a few months earlier this year. It was a beautiful, brain freeing time, but I resumed daily ‘doom scrolling’ about a month ago. Just yesterday, I listened to a podcast about how social media is changing our brains, something I recognize first hand. There is fear around leaving, but I know that beyond that fear, freedom awaits.

I have more questions than answers and that is okay. I think it’s one part of my best life that I’ve been afraid of. In many ways I’m a concrete, black and white answer kinda girl, but life and humans are complex. We have similarities and just as many differences. We are all doing our best to figure things out here.

I won’t yet get into the details, but my intuition is calling me into a new place. Starting today, I’m leaving social media. Again. My accounts will remain active but I will not participate throughout the rest of May as a start. I’ll spend more time in nature, in quiet reflection, in prayer. I’ll read more. I’ll write more. I create more. Again. I know that in the quietude, my psyche will guide me and if I can stay the course, I know I’ll be better for it.

I choose to live into my integrity. I choose a higher sense of purpose. I choose me. I choose my best life, because I can.

Photo by Arno Smit on Unsplash

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