being human,  embodiment

Happy Mama’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mamas out there. And a quick note to say that on this day, I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. That’s a rarity I’m excited to see end.

I texted with one of my girlfriends this morning. She replied that its a hard day for her: both of her daughters will be moving out this summer. I replied that “I get it,” and that I’m here for her, and I am. I will be.

The grief of losing my mom and my daughter (to a move to her father’s house) was a sadness I wasn’t sure I’d get over. It was certainly the longest grief period I’ve yet endured in life. I thank God for my husband who held space and saw me through day after day of lifelessness.

I learned a lot about myself throughout the last two years — that I am resilient and that I need others, that I can put on a happy face when I need to and that I still like my alone time (even when I’m sad), that I have core abandonment issues to work out and that, essentially, my brain has been working against me. If I didn’t have the last ‘aha’ I’d never be where I am now and I wouldn’t finally be healing, but that’s for another story.

We moms put our entire lives into our children. We can’t not. And our moms likely did the same for us. Whether the mother-daughter relationships are tight-knit or volatile, it’s a bond unlike any other. Being a mom is no joke.

Life isn’t a straight line. It’s quite cyclical. I had to go back to my own childhood to heal the grief of ‘losing’ my mom and daughter. I learned that Madison activated my core abandonment issues, the ones that stemmed from MY childhood, when she moved out. I was grieving my mom and her at the same time, but I now see it had to be the way it was. Life wasn’t working against me. It was working for me. It was just so hard to see while I was in the middle of it. I’d never know what I know today had I not gone through it. I’d never be who I am now and I’m so thankful for who I am because of these lessons.

So, no matter what you’re going through, know that its teaching you SOMEthing. If you’re a mom, Happy Mother’s Day, and if you’re not, be sure to thank the moms you know, especially your own. Nothing matters more than that.