being human,  embodiment,  writing

Grace Changes Everything

We need to be held in order to hold others. I am feeling this truth deep in my body today.

Since returning hOMe from the first residential of my spiritual guidance certification training, this knowing has landed, first as an unexplainable sense of ease, followed by an unpacking of how I got here.

For about the last week I’ve been living in wonder and awe. I’ve been journaling and writing but have been having a hard time understanding what exactly happened during the retreat that shifted inside. There is a definite before and after. Interestingly I also notice sabotage creeping in. Living intentionally is diligent lifelong work.

I don’t have to will not buy into the old stories anymore. I don’t have to will not stay stuck. I can trust myself and my process and I can know that I am perfectly made in God’s image, just like everyone else. I get to decide how this looks, how I continue to heal. Culture says ‘be this way,’ so we try it on to fit in. But we discover that fitting in isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. We uncover the pain it is causing us. And hopefully we choose a new way in order to heal the pain and become more of the person we were always intended to be.

Without going into all of the details of my situation, I’ll say this: I was deeply seen, heard and held during the residential retreat. I was shown grace around something that’s caused shame for a long time. I got myself upset and moved into (very familiar) feelings of unworthiness, but I brought the issue forward and was met with radical compassion. Grace. It changed everything, and now all I wanna do is extend the same grace to everyone I meet.

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash