Out of sorts. Sad. Aggravated. Tormented by my mind. These are just a few emotions I’ve been feeling lately. I lean into practice. Every. Damn. Day. And yet I always end up right where I started. I sense that I’m not giving enough of myself away. I am not giving back to the world in any measure equal to what I’ve been given.
It’s hard because everything feels heavy. The things I think up never feel big enough. Nothing ever feels like it’s enough. And I’m tired of feeling paralyzed; I’m tired of talking myself out of things because they seem small. Plus the divisiveness around COVID and the difficulty to volunteer have stopped me for too long; it cannot be the reason I do nothing. There is so much I do control. There are many small things I can do easily.
And isn’t every small act a step in the right direction? Isn’t every bit of positive energy a good thing? Isn’t the act of loving attention toward others what God calls us to most? Kind words. Kind deeds. Helping when needed. We can’t all do huge things but as the wise Mother Teresa said, we can “do small things with great love.”
As I was out hiking today, spirit spoke: “give back by giving away little pieces of yourself, Heather. Use your gifts and talents. The peace you seek is in those gifts. They may be small but your intention matters most and every small act causes ripples. Go!” I start today.