• being human,  embodiment,  featured,  stories,  writing

    More Broken Than Me

    “More broken than me” is a judgement but it’s also a real thought I had today. Even those of us who strive not to be judgmental have judgement. It’s a human tendency to compare and contrast. I believe we all do it, but I also think it’s important that we catch ourselves and recognize the moment, that we recognize and question our thoughts instead of believing them to be true. I really felt myself today, such a surreal feeling of aliveness pervaded my being. I wasn’t rushed. I was intentional and it reminded me that this is the way life is supposed to be. Not all of my days have been like this; in fact, most haven’t been, but these days I get glimpses, hints of the beautiful life that is before me. My embodiment practices have invited these moments more often and for that, I’m thankful. It’s funny how one thought or feeling leads to the next and how we connect ideas and concepts to one another. The feeling of aliveness, of being embodied, reminded me of the years of disembodiment I lived through––the pulling out, up and away from experience, simply because I couldn’t be here. I didn’t feel safe so being anywhere else…

  • being human,  embodiment,  featured,  stories

    Claiming Your Story

    We are all so much alike, far more alike than different; yet many of us feel alone, isolated, unique in our stories. We are in pain or we haven’t processed the depths of our past experiences. We don’t know how to heal and we get stuck in patterns, often sabotaging ourselves in the process. That was my story. It still is on my bad days, but I’m human and I hold space for myself on those days now. I am not lacking, or less than, or a failure (believe me, those are some of the stories I told myself for a long time!) Story connects us. It enlivens us and we learn from hearing and reading other’s stories. There are many avenues for telling these stories these days and we don’t need to be experts to do so. We only need to have courage — to have a deep desire to speak something greater into existence. Chances are, if you’re here today reading this, you’ve been through struggle; you’ve endured suffering. Yes, we kindred spirits tend to find each other. Maybe you’re still in pain and looking for a way to heal. Maybe you don’t know where to start. Maybe you’re not sure you CAN…

  • being human,  stories,  vlog

    Reasons for Starting a Vlog

    For some reason, anytime I start something new I feel compelled to justify my WHY. I'm speaking here of my forays into vlogging. Why am I embarking on this new task? Why does it feel a bit monumental? And why do I feel kind of dumb about doing it, like I think I'm so important that others will want to see me on film? The answer to the last question is that I don't, but I've hidden for too long; I'm in the process of putting myself out there more in an effort to stop hiding. They say, "the way you do anything is the way you do everything," and I think that's true. If I take the time to do something and it feels important, I'll go all in; I'm not a half-asser. Since I created my first vlog last week, I've read all about the craft and watched endless videos to learn tips on how the best vloggers do it.

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  stories

    Happy Mama’s Day

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mamas out there. And a quick note to say that on this day, I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. That’s a rarity I’m excited to see end. I texted with one of my girlfriends this morning. She replied that its a hard day for her: both of her daughters will be moving out this summer. I replied that “I get it,” and that I’m here for her, and I am. I will be. The grief of losing my mom and my daughter (to a move to her father’s house) was a sadness I wasn’t sure I’d get over. It was certainly the longest grief period I’ve yet endured in life. I thank God for my husband who held space and saw me through day after day of lifelessness. I learned a lot about myself throughout the last two years — that I am resilient and that I need others, that I can put on a happy face when I need to and that I still like my alone time (even when I’m sad), that I have core abandonment issues to work out and that, essentially, my brain has been working against me. If I didn’t have the…

  • commonplace book,  gratitude,  stories

    2019 Moon Spread

    As I mentioned in the last post, I'm going to start adding entries for some of my Commonplace Book ideas and pages. Last weekend, I created a 'Moon Spread' to keep track of the new and full moons, so I can begin to consciously observe the phases and use them to my advantage ... releasing, reflecting, practicing gratitude, manifesting ...

  • being human,  embodiment,  featured,  stories

    The Questions I’m Pondering Today

    It's Saturday morning and I'm feeling sad. It's been a great week. I was on a high for most of it, and a few incidents yesterday threw me into a mental tailspin; I went to bed with a heavy felt-sensation last night and woke up with the residue this morning. My medicine will be writing, getting outside and moving my body today. Any time I feel like this, I ask myself how much of it I want to feel and how much of it I need to move past. I think it's important to find a balance in both. If I avoid the way I'm feeling, how will I ever get better? And will it ever stop, if I always just move past it, move on to something better? How will I ever grow if I only set my sights on things that make me feel better? There has got to be a balance between feeling it all and not letting it overwhelm me. I don't have the answer. In fact, all of my questions only lead to more questions.

  • being human,  embodiment,  featured,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul,  stories

    Embodying My Life

    For as long as I can remember (forever) I've been a doer. I became a yoga teacher thirteen years ago, because I saw the gifts yoga freely gave and I wanted to be a conduit for that. More being, less doing. They say "we teach what we most need to learn." I wholeheartedly believe this statement to be true. So I taught yoga, the best way I knew how, for ten full years. I taught what I needed to learn, and in the process I learned and changed. I still teach now, but in a much different manner. I write about my experiences in the hopes that others see themselves in my stories, feel less alone, less crazy. It's my way of living my yoga. The 'be here now' message has been primary in my life, and I continue to do my best to embody it ... but something's been off, not quite right (yes, even all these years later in my process). My mind tells me one thing, while my body begs for something else. My mind doesn't stay long in one place. It's here, and then gone ... occupying the past or the future. (For me, mostly future. Did you know that we each…

  • stories,  synchronicities

    Plans for a Cut Flower Garden

    I had a vision when we first moved to the 19. It consisted of flowers everywhere. I declared that I wanted to be a flower farmer that year, but much of the time was spent landscaping around the house and growing vegetables instead. My flower farm plans were put on hold. We’ve had a successful vegetable garden for the last four years but at the end of last season, we decided we’d grown too much. Both of us too busy to sell at the farmers market, we gave away much of our crop to friends and family. It sure would be a lot more fun to give flowers away, I thought. I love summertime, growing a garden, spending time in nature, and I get an itch around this time each year. Winter has dragged on. It’s time to be outside, or to at least look forward to that time, and this year’s ‘a ha’s’ about my health have made it even more clear that I need to regularly step away from this computer, do something with my hands, be outside and in my body. So, a few weeks ago, I revisited my intention from four years ago. I declared to J that I wanted to start…

  • being human,  embodiment,  stories

    My Journey to Healing

    This journey to heal myself has been a winding road indeed. I'm not done yet, but a great many things are making a lot of sense. Becoming sober curious has shed light on things I couldn't see, as has counseling and all of the embodiment work I've done in the last year. But learning about my brain throughout the last month has been the most eye-opening of all. The results of my quantitative EEG were telling, though not surprising. Overactive beta waves as well as underactive delta, theta, alpha and high beta waves revealed what I'd suspected, an overactive limbic system. I'm working with a naturopath to eliminate high blood pressure medicine from daily life, but doing so will require other supplements because of dietary and environmental deficiencies that are inherent in America. It will also require a complete lifestyle shift. I've made lots of changes over the last few months, why not a few more?

  • being human,  stories

    Learning to Be a Better Me

    You ever go through so much change you don’t know who you are anymore? For me, a few difficult events led to a gradual process of huge transformation. And I didn’t even realize the magnitude of all I was going through until a friend pointed it out. She told me to stop, to be gentle, to give myself a little grace. I was so hard on myself prior to that, treating myself with little respect—a way I’d never treat another person. It took months following my mom’s death to put pieces of my heart back together. I'm still not 'the same.' I never will be; I don't think I'm supposed to be. But her death, followed by huge changes in my daughter’s life, changes that were great for her but hard for me, left me feeling like I didn’t know my place in the world anymore. Sometimes I still don’t. Mother-daughter relationships are primal like that, and I was going through these transitions with both, at the same time.

Intentionally create your days; start with a mindful morning.
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