• being human,  embodiment,  learning,  spiritual direction

    Spiritual Crisis

    Writing about this feels like the biggest thing I’ve ever done, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’ll do it justice, but I have to try. I am convinced I just went through a massive spiritual crisis that manifested as a psychosomatic illness. But since I first published this post, one of my beloved spirit guides and mentors suggested that beyond psychosomatic, perhaps it was more ‘a matter of realignment, a great purging — of toxicity, lies, stories, old ways of being that are no longer suited to (my) higher vibration.’ That resonates deeply. Over the last several months, I’ve been having what I like to call ‘divine downloads’ in the shower most evenings, little mini-awakenings about myself, my family, primary relationships and the greater world around me. These little awakenings have been giving me the feeling that things are not right in…

  • being human,  breath,  embodiment,  spiritual direction,  writing

    Sitting with the Questions

    I am a firm believer in spiritual practice. My spirituality isn’t dependent on a strict set of beliefs or a weekly service. And while what I believe guides my life and spirituality, if all I have are beliefs without practice, it feels inadequate. Over the years, I’ve had many practices within my spiritual life: reading sacred texts, meditation, spending time in nature, writing and creating to name a few. I still use many of these practices and others, and allowing them to ebb and flow feels most right for me and my life. A few years ago, as I began a serious contemplative practice, sitting with the questions began to fuel my life with a palpable fervor. It’s a practice of deepening in the mystery of life. As an analytical, left brained individual, it’s honestly not the easiest practice. Sometimes it feels like I’m…

  • being human,  breath,  embodiment,  learning,  spiritual direction

    Dancing with the Divine

    A few days ago the picture of me below popped up on my Facebook memories. It was from eleven years ago. I look good in it; happy. And it got me thinking. Eleven years isn’t that long ago, and at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago. I was in my early forties and my daughter was only eleven—exactly half the age she is now. I don’t look back very often. I can’t read old journals; it depresses me. I don’t like thinking about how things were. I’m much more of a forward moving person. I think about how things used to be, and I thank God for the way things are now. Thinking about today and tomorrow always feels better in my body than thinking about what was. I find this interesting. But … I do see the value in looking…

  • being human,  breath,  embodiment,  learning,  spiritual direction,  writing

    The Truth of Myself

    I overshared today. At least it feels like I overshared. And yet it also felt essential. It’s been a hard week. I’m feeling lots of feels, the world’s weight and my past pressing in on me. “Must I be so dramatic?,” I think to myself. “Why can’t things be light and easy?” They are sometimes. Sometimes often. Sometimes not. Sometimes it’s all too much. And when I get this way, all I can do is express (through writing), which is exactly what I did this morning. I’ve been back and forth with one of the teachers of my spiritual direction training program. I’ve been on the verge of leaving the program a few times now and we’re conversing about some work-arounds that might help me. After presenting me with options last night, I sat with them. And myself. I questioned my ability to keep…