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Spiritual Crisis
Writing about this feels like the biggest thing I’ve ever done, and to be honest, I’m not sure I’ll do it justice, but I have to try. I am convinced I just went through a massive spiritual crisis that manifested as a psychosomatic illness. But since I first published this post, one of my beloved spirit guides and mentors suggested that beyond psychosomatic, perhaps it was more ‘a matter of realignment, a great purging — of toxicity, lies, stories, old ways of being that are no longer suited to (my) higher vibration.’ That resonates deeply. Over the last several months, I’ve been having what I like to call ‘divine downloads’ in the shower most evenings, little mini-awakenings about myself, my family, primary relationships and the greater world around me. These little awakenings have been giving me the feeling that things are not right in…
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Sitting with the Questions
I am a firm believer in spiritual practice. My spirituality isn’t dependent on a strict set of beliefs or a weekly service. And while what I believe guides my life and spirituality, if all I have are beliefs without practice, it feels inadequate. Over the years, I’ve had many practices within my spiritual life: reading sacred texts, meditation, spending time in nature, writing and creating to name a few. I still use many of these practices and others, and allowing them to ebb and flow feels most right for me and my life. A few years ago, as I began a serious contemplative practice, sitting with the questions began to fuel my life with a palpable fervor. It’s a practice of deepening in the mystery of life. As an analytical, left brained individual, it’s honestly not the easiest practice. Sometimes it feels like I’m…
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Dancing with the Divine
A few days ago the picture of me below popped up on my Facebook memories. It was from eleven years ago. I look good in it; happy. And it got me thinking. Eleven years isn’t that long ago, and at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago. I was in my early forties and my daughter was only eleven—exactly half the age she is now. I don’t look back very often. I can’t read old journals; it depresses me. I don’t like thinking about how things were. I’m much more of a forward moving person. I think about how things used to be, and I thank God for the way things are now. Thinking about today and tomorrow always feels better in my body than thinking about what was. I find this interesting. But … I do see the value in looking…
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The Truth of Myself
I overshared today. At least it feels like I overshared. And yet it also felt essential. It’s been a hard week. I’m feeling lots of feels, the world’s weight and my past pressing in on me. “Must I be so dramatic?,” I think to myself. “Why can’t things be light and easy?” They are sometimes. Sometimes often. Sometimes not. Sometimes it’s all too much. And when I get this way, all I can do is express (through writing), which is exactly what I did this morning. I’ve been back and forth with one of the teachers of my spiritual direction training program. I’ve been on the verge of leaving the program a few times now and we’re conversing about some work-arounds that might help me. After presenting me with options last night, I sat with them. And myself. I questioned my ability to keep…
