How often are you going through the motions, and how often are you intentional about the way you’re living? How often are you stuck as opposed to free? How often are you living in ego instead of living in love? Life isn’t rainbows and unicorns but we do have choice, a lot of it quite actually. Trauma, pain, conditioning, ‘shoulds,’ and ‘have to’s’ all lead us down very different paths than, perhaps, the road our hearts desire. Just something I’m playing with in my life … “after all, THIS is your life.” A mantra. An invitation. A shift of being. A way of living in more joy, softness, openness, grace, love. Wanna try it out with me? After all, this is your LIFE. Photo credit: Photo by 小胖 车 on Unsplash
I wrote this for you, a reminder of how amazing you are and how much the world needs you … a #mantra, a practice, some encouragement, a necessary reminder on the days you need it most. I hope you believe it because its #truth! You are unique, beautiful, amazing and an important part of the delicate fabric of life.
We get so ‘stuck’ in our ways of being. We get complacent, or shut down or scared; we don’t know how to change. And yet, we’re changing all the time. I think ‘scared’ (and scarred) is the primary factor for me in getting/staying stuck … mostly scared of being fully seen, flawed as I am. I get too in my head. I shut down my heart to stay ‘safe.’ I hide my shadow, the parts of me I don’t want others to see … but it’s felt. Energy is real, real-er than form and physicality! This is what i’m making space for today, the noticing so I can make space for change. I love it when a fresh new perspective presents itself, when I’m suddenly renewed, when the world feels full of possibility. That’s what going away and coming hOMe feels like to me.
Good karma, something we all want to have. But how much of the collective unconscious is guiding our actions? How often do you get hurt or mad or offended by something someone says or does? And then how do you react? How much joy do you feel in your life every day … like true joy? And when you can’t find joy, no matter how hard you try, how do you react? Or how many things aggravate you for no real reason? How many active choices do you make each day vs. a ‘going through the motions?’ How much conditioning … how many reactions are present most of the time? These are questions I ask myself most days, questions I’ve asked for a very long time. Conditioning runs us and it’s hard to break free. Yet we can only BE free when we BREAK free. How? Lots of practices help. Yoga, meditation, nature, embodiment, chanting, neurofeedback … ‘paths are many; truth is one.’ Awareness always seems to be the first step, and it’s a practice too. I’ve been ‘waking up’ for a long time, and what I didn’t recognize before that I now fully embrace … it’s not about transcending my humanness, it’s about embracing…
hOMe. A space I’m truly grateful for. Practicing RADICAL GRATITUDE these days. Life has changed so much over the last several years. I never could have planned or dreamed of where I’d be today, and perhaps that’s why its so perfect. “The truly great news is that each moment, each day, you have the opportunity to start again. Inevitably the momentum of previously habituating and conditioning, from your life and your ancestors’ lifespans, will be at play in your consciousness. The learning of positivity and gratitude is indeed a practice and one in which you are helpfully faced with gentleness and self-forgiveness.” ~Will Pye What are you grateful for?
The world doesn’t need you (or me) to be quiet. The world needs us to show up and speak up in our own unique ways—IN OUR OWN UNIQUE WAYS! We are all different. Its a blessing, and the world needs you, and me—all of us. Really inspired by the work & words of Will Pye these days. He writes about but here’s what he says of our uniqueness: “You are unique, never seen before, and never to be seen again. Allow that to sink in. You are, just like everyone else, a one-off creation. Thus, you play a role no one else can play in this human story. Each one of us plays multiple starring roles in this universal drama, paradoxically as magnificent as we are insignificant, perfect in our imperfection.”
I have realized that this consistent feeling of rushing through life is anxiety: anxiety that’s been in me for years. And my medicine is naming it so i can work with it, become more aware, do the practices that loosen its hold on me. I am healing one day at a time. No magic pill. No ignoring or masking it. Simply learning to love life in its fullness … and often writing my way through it.
I had a birthday last week, a big one. Just thinking of the number provides a sense of pride – that I’ve made it this far and that I have enough years behind me to consider myself somewhat wise. I’ll say it one last time, and then I think I won’t say it again, because this post is about choice and I must choose to be different in order to actually live differently … the last two years have been hard. But I made it through them. I was in a long dark night of the soul but I am through it. I have emerged, transformed, grown. And one of the things I’ve thought about recently is that I haven’t given myself enough credit for the grace in which I made it through those years. I am not special but I have far more to offer than I’ve offered up. I write here as though I’m confused. Sometimes I am, but often I’m not. I’m just more drawn to writing in my state of confusion as a way to make it all make sense. And I’ve forgotten that I’m an adult, damnit. I have been for over thirty years. I have choices. I have the…
Love over fear, always. Our energy matters. I remember this, then I forget. I think we all do. Life is so precious and scary and hard and beautiful and confusing, and we are all strong and weak, and fumbling through. I put so much pressure on myself … to be perfect, to do the right thing, to perform, to fit in, to be fun, witty, pretty, smart … but really I just need to show up. I need to be present, and allow the experience of life to unfold as it will instead of trying to control every damn thing (fear). Love demands that we see our conditioning and the ways we’re unconscious. Love demands that we stay open. Love allows. Love is freedom. Love is choice. Love is the essence of everything good. Love is present; love is here, yet in our human form it is also a practice. As physical beings we’re often drawn more to fear than love. It is up to each of us to choose differently in order to create a shift in consciousness. These are the random thoughts I think on a Tuesday night. 🤯 Happy New Moon, intention-setting time. Which will you choose — love or fear?
Wanna know a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing. And damn, have I been trying hard—too hard. For the longest time, I thought I had to get it ‘right.’ For the longest time I tried to be perfect. It just perpetuated more pain. So at the end of the struggle, I decided to just be me, but there was a problem. I didn’t know how to do that, exactly. I can’t explain why: my brain wasn’t working optimally, and that realization led to a billion other ‘a-has.’ I learned that I couldn’t use sheer will to change; I had to change my physiology. I had to change my brain.