Wanna know a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing. And damn, have I been trying hard—too hard. For the longest time, I thought I had to get it ‘right.’ For the longest time I tried to be perfect. It just perpetuated more pain. So at the end of the struggle, I decided to just be me, but there was a problem. I didn’t know how to do that, exactly. I can’t explain why: my brain wasn’t working optimally, and that realization led to a billion other ‘a-has.’ I learned that I couldn’t use sheer will to change; I had to change my physiology. I had to change my brain.
Do you ever think about what you’re doing here on the earth plane? That seems to be my central question of each day. I am always trying to make meaning of life, make the moments matter, be better than i was the day before. Sometimes I am too much. Sometimes I feel abnormal, too intense. Do I feel too much? Write too much? Question too much? But all of this is authentically me; it’s who I am, and shouldn’t that be good enough? For the longest time, I hid my gifts. I hid, period. But age is funny. It puts everything into perspective; it provides the ability to look back and see the…
For as long as I can remember (forever) I've been a doer. I became a yoga teacher thirteen years ago, because I saw the gifts yoga freely gave and I wanted to be a conduit for that. More being, less doing. They say "we teach what we most need to learn." I wholeheartedly believe this statement to be true. So I taught yoga, the best way I knew how, for ten full years. I taught what I needed to learn, and in the process I learned and changed. I still teach now, but in a much different manner. I write about my experiences in the hopes that others see themselves in my stories, feel…
Like everyone, a culmination of events, mishaps and 'a has' have led me to where I am today. There's so much to say, but for now I'll keep this post to a bare minimum, to what feels essential. If you know me personally or have followed me for a while, you know that the last to years have not been my greatest. Witnessing my mom's devastating illness, followed by her untimely passing, as well as working through major life changes with my one and only daughter, literally changed who I am as a person. You've heard the saying, "once you see it, you can't unsee it." Well, it's true, and sometimes life can…
My mornings are sacred—hot tea, meditation, reflection, gratitude practice, reading, journaling. Its my favorite part of every day & I am ‘off’ if I go too many days without this time. Its a ritual I started about ten years ago as I began to teach yoga, and I’m so glad i did.
Come hOMe ... to yourself. This world wants you to forget, but your soul knows what’s up. Psyche is always guiding the way ... in dreams, intuitions, synchronicities, ‘random’ thoughts. Pay attention.
I have had many mini epiphanies about life since Christmas. Internal shifts that needed to happen, happened. I’d say ‘the old Heather is back,’ but that's not really true. Something brand new is being birthed and I’m loving it/her. So much of life has been really f*cking hard for two f*cking years, but I had to go through it to get here. I wasn’t sure i’d teach again. Now I know I will. In fact, I'm teaching now, just not in the same way I did before. I trust myself so much more than ever. I’m stronger than i thought possible.
Gratitude is EVERYTHING. Really. It CHANGES everything.
give me all of it every last bit the hurt, the pain, the sorrow, the despair
oh my darling don’t you see? none of this is real these thoughts those emotions all of the self loathing you shine; why are you dimming your brightness? you are the stars the moon heaven in physical form. . . . Photo by mari lezhava on Unsplash