I’ve been struggling the last few days. Part of the requirement of my spiritual direction certification is to meet in peer group a few times per month. The purpose of these small group calls is to present situations we are struggling with during our practicum period. The calls consist of five to seven people with one person presenting each month while the others provide noticings, questions, images and impressions. It’s a beautiful and meaningful process but I’m struggling with it. I’ve been struggling since the program started last November. And I’ve been open and honest about these struggles with my teachers. Earlier this week it came to a peak. After getting off of the call on Monday, I was in distress — debilitating distress. It was affecting my energy and psyche to such a degree that I considered dropping out of the program. ‘Old…

Last week, I wrote about accidie. Today I’d like to offer a few resources I found for overcoming working through it. We can’t let boredom and frustration separate us from what must be done. Our task is to be faithful to the demands of daily life with an honest, open heart. (1) “Being faithful in our regular times of prayer, study, office tasks, cleaning the house, changing diapers, and other works that we may be called to do each day can seem dry and discouraging. Yet it is precisely in these quotidian tasks of life that a remedy for acedia is found. The discipline of reforming our outer activity can be a means, with God’s grace, to inner transformation.” (2) To me, this sounds a lot like a call to be in the present moment, with fervor, grace and humility. And it’s not easy in our…

Today I thought I’d try to put words to what a dis-regulated nervous system feels like — or perhaps what it feels like to discover and regulate it. I didn’t know I had a dis-regulated nervous system until a few years ago. And I only began to understand it in the context of holistic health. I had inklings prior to this time, but didn’t have a way to access the deeper parts of myself that were keeping it stuck. Last year, I met with someone who would become a new friend, Tonya, a Vital Herbalist. She did an Astrological Ayurvedic Reading to help me uncover the root of my high blood pressure. Prior to our meeting, I suspicioned that anxiety was/is the cause of my hypertension and I was right; I just didn’t understand the full extent of it at the time. Tonya prepared…

This came to me as a mantra the other day in my discernment process. Anxiety, angst, ‘shoulding myself to death’ and frustration are clues on the spiritual journey, information to assess. And mostly it’s showing me what isn’t helpful instead of what is. While I’ve practiced embodiment for several years now, deeper layers continue to reveal themselves. Practices are how we live into who and how we want to be in the world. And what I see now is that there are many forces that wish to keep us stuck, forces that want us to be ill, disconnected … from each other, ourselves and the natural world. Healing, for me, begins with embodiment, nature, and dismantling the thought patterns that brought me here in the first place. And this paragraph from my training has been echoing in my head for the last few weeks:…