• being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    On Choice and Agency

    I had a birthday last week, a big one. Just thinking of the number provides a sense of pride – that I’ve made it this far and that I have enough years behind me to consider myself somewhat wise. I’ll say it one last time, and then I think I won’t say it again, because this post is about choice and I must choose to be different in order to actually live differently … the last two years have been hard. But I made it through them. I was in a long dark night of the soul but I am through it. I have emerged, transformed, grown. And one of the things I’ve thought about recently is that I haven’t given myself enough credit for the grace in which I made it through those years. I am not special but I have far more to offer than I’ve offered up. I write here as though I’m confused. Sometimes I am, but often I’m not. I’m just more drawn to writing in my state of confusion as a way to make it all make sense. And I’ve forgotten that I’m an adult, damnit. I have been for over thirty years. I have choices. I have the…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    Love Over Fear

    Love over fear, always. Our energy matters. I remember this, then I forget. I think we all do. Life is so precious and scary and hard and beautiful and confusing, and we are all strong and weak, and fumbling through. I put so much pressure on myself … to be perfect, to do the right thing, to perform, to fit in, to be fun, witty, pretty, smart … but really I just need to show up. I need to be present, and allow the experience of life to unfold as it will instead of trying to control every damn thing (fear). Love demands that we see our conditioning and the ways we’re unconscious. Love demands that we stay open. Love allows. Love is freedom. Love is choice. Love is the essence of everything good. Love is present; love is here, yet in our human form it is also a practice. As physical beings we’re often drawn more to fear than love. It is up to each of us to choose differently in order to create a shift in consciousness. These are the random thoughts I think on a Tuesday night. 🤯 Happy New Moon, intention-setting time. Which will you choose — love or fear?

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  stories

    Happy Mama’s Day

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mamas out there. And a quick note to say that on this day, I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. That’s a rarity I’m excited to see end. I texted with one of my girlfriends this morning. She replied that its a hard day for her: both of her daughters will be moving out this summer. I replied that “I get it,” and that I’m here for her, and I am. I will be. The grief of losing my mom and my daughter (to a move to her father’s house) was a sadness I wasn’t sure I’d get over. It was certainly the longest grief period I’ve yet endured in life. I thank God for my husband who held space and saw me through day after day of lifelessness. I learned a lot about myself throughout the last two years — that I am resilient and that I need others, that I can put on a happy face when I need to and that I still like my alone time (even when I’m sad), that I have core abandonment issues to work out and that, essentially, my brain has been working against me. If I didn’t have the…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    Changing my Physiology

    Wanna know a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing.  And damn, have I been trying hard—too hard. For the longest time, I thought I had to get it ‘right.’ For the longest time I tried to be perfect. It just perpetuated more pain. So at the end of the struggle, I decided to just be me, but there was a problem. I didn’t know how to do that, exactly. I can’t explain why: my brain wasn’t working optimally, and that realization led to a billion other ‘a-has.’ I learned that I couldn’t use sheer will to change; I had to change my physiology. I had to change my brain. 

  • commonplace book,  gratitude,  stories

    2019 Moon Spread

    As I mentioned in the last post, I'm going to start adding entries for some of my Commonplace Book ideas and pages. Last weekend, I created a 'Moon Spread' to keep track of the new and full moons, so I can begin to consciously observe the phases and use them to my advantage ... releasing, reflecting, practicing gratitude, manifesting ...

  • being human,  embodiment,  featured,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul,  stories

    Embodying My Life

    For as long as I can remember (forever) I've been a doer. I became a yoga teacher thirteen years ago, because I saw the gifts yoga freely gave and I wanted to be a conduit for that. More being, less doing. They say "we teach what we most need to learn." I wholeheartedly believe this statement to be true. So I taught yoga, the best way I knew how, for ten full years. I taught what I needed to learn, and in the process I learned and changed. I still teach now, but in a much different manner. I write about my experiences in the hopes that others see themselves in my stories, feel less alone, less crazy. It's my way of living my yoga. The 'be here now' message has been primary in my life, and I continue to do my best to embody it ... but something's been off, not quite right (yes, even all these years later in my process). My mind tells me one thing, while my body begs for something else. My mind doesn't stay long in one place. It's here, and then gone ... occupying the past or the future. (For me, mostly future. Did you know that we each…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  writing

    A Word for 2019

    I’m convinced that most of us don’t know what the hell we’re doing here, on this earth, in this time. We think we know, then it all falls apart, and when it falls apart, we often defer to old (destructive) habits instead of digging deeper. One step forward, two steps back. That's been my pattern. I’d ‘do the work,’ then sink in despair, and the cycle would repeat. After about two ‘dark night of the soul’ YEARS, I’d had enough. I had a breakthrough at Christmastime, on a trip away from home. I can’t define the event, but the ensuing thoughts were, ‘this is my life, WTF am I doing?’

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    Let’s Be Amazing Together!

    I have had many mini epiphanies about life since Christmas. Internal shifts that needed to happen, happened. I’d say ‘the old Heather is back,’ but that's not really true. Something brand new is being birthed and I’m loving it/her. So much of life has been really f*cking hard for two f*cking years, but I had to go through it to get here. I wasn’t sure i’d teach again. Now I know I will. In fact, I'm teaching now, just not in the same way I did before. I trust myself so much more than ever. I’m stronger than i thought possible. 

Intentionally create your days; start with a mindful morning.
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