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We Have Forgotten
We have forgotten how to be human. We have forgotten what it means to be human. We have forgotten ourselves and what it feels like to be human. We have forgotten each other and the natural world. Now that I’m about a year into my nervous system regulating journey, and many years in spiritual devotion, life — real life — is coming back online. (And to be honest, I think the only time it was ever online for me prior to this was when I was a baby, when I was pre-verbal. I suspect this to be the case with most of us, unless our parents were fully realized while raising us.) I keep having revelations about life, and what I see is that nothing is real in the state of the world these days. Capitalism, the patriarchy and Western civilization, in general, have…
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The Truth of Myself
I overshared today. At least it feels like I overshared. And yet it also felt essential. It’s been a hard week. I’m feeling lots of feels, the world’s weight and my past pressing in on me. “Must I be so dramatic?,” I think to myself. “Why can’t things be light and easy?” They are sometimes. Sometimes often. Sometimes not. Sometimes it’s all too much. And when I get this way, all I can do is express (through writing), which is exactly what I did this morning. I’ve been back and forth with one of the teachers of my spiritual direction training program. I’ve been on the verge of leaving the program a few times now and we’re conversing about some work-arounds that might help me. After presenting me with options last night, I sat with them. And myself. I questioned my ability to keep…
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Voicing the Struggle
I’ve been struggling the last few days. Part of the requirement of my spiritual direction certification is to meet in peer group a few times per month. The purpose of these small group calls is to present situations we are struggling with during our practicum period. The calls consist of five to seven people with one person presenting each month while the others provide noticings, questions, images and impressions. It’s a beautiful and meaningful process but I’m struggling with it. I’ve been struggling since the program started last November. And I’ve been open and honest about these struggles with my teachers. Earlier this week it came to a peak. After getting off of the call on Monday, I was in distress — debilitating distress. It was affecting my energy and psyche to such a degree that I considered dropping out of the program. ‘Old…
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Instead of Why
Instead of asking ‘why?’ maybe letting things go is the better choice. Instead of asking ‘why?’ perhaps talking to a trusted friend would help. Instead of asking ‘why?’ maybe I should get up and do something else. Instead of asking ‘why?’ perhaps dropping the inquiry is better. Instead of asking ‘why?’ would it better serve me to tap into other modes of knowing? Instead of asking ‘why?’ maybe the better question to ask is: ‘how does this feel in my body?’ The mind is powerful. It’s also a saboteur. The body never lies. ‘Why’ is great to assess motivations and direction but when the why continually presents itself related to things we love, I’m certain it’s not helpful. No, it’s a diversion and a tactic of the ego to throw us off track. It invites separation, not wholeness. Instead of ‘why?’ I’ll rest in…
