This journey to heal myself has been a winding road indeed. I'm not done yet, but a great many things are making a lot of sense. Becoming sober curious has shed light on things I couldn't see, as has counseling and all of the embodiment work I've done in the last year. But learning about my brain throughout the last month has been the most eye-opening of all. The results of my quantitative EEG were telling, though not surprising. Overactive beta waves as well as underactive delta, theta, alpha and high beta waves revealed what I'd suspected, an overactive limbic system. I'm working with a naturopath to eliminate high blood pressure medicine from daily life, but doing so will require other supplements because of dietary and environmental deficiencies that are inherent in America. It will also require a complete lifestyle shift. I've made lots of changes over the last few months, why not a few more?
Like everyone, a culmination of events, mishaps and 'a has' have led me to where I am today. There's so much to say, but for now I'll keep this post to a bare minimum, to what feels essential. If you know me personally or have followed me for a while, you know that the last to years have not been my greatest. Witnessing my mom's devastating illness, followed by her untimely passing, as well as working through major life changes with my one and only daughter, literally changed who I am as a person. You've heard the saying, "once you see it, you can't unsee it." Well, it's true, and sometimes life can be divided into a distinct before and after. But I firmly believe that life doesn't happen TO us; it happens FOR us. We get to choose what we do with our lives and how we deal with the events that feel both devastating and ecstatic.
I’m convinced that most of us don’t know what the hell we’re doing here, on this earth, in this time. We think we know, then it all falls apart, and when it falls apart, we often defer to old (destructive) habits instead of digging deeper. One step forward, two steps back. That's been my pattern. I’d ‘do the work,’ then sink in despair, and the cycle would repeat. After about two ‘dark night of the soul’ YEARS, I’d had enough. I had a breakthrough at Christmastime, on a trip away from home. I can’t define the event, but the ensuing thoughts were, ‘this is my life, WTF am I doing?’
I'll never understand why the mind tricks us into believing everything we think, so I learn to quiet the crazies and feel the beating of my sweet, brave heart. “Don’t believe everything you think.” I remember seeing a bumper sticker with those words many moons ago, and that bumper sticker, those words, led me down a rabbit hole that is my life ... yoga, pranayama, mindfulness, embodiment ...
I am so thankful for my years of intensive yoga teaching, learning about the body, the secrets she holds and the ways she refuses to be ignored.
Energy is real, y’all! May we each raise our vibration, do our part to make the world a better place, be vulnerable with one another, laugh at ourselves & love a little harder.
Good morning! Do something to take care of YOU today. Even better, do it with your significant other. My sweetie made our juice this morning: beets, carrots, spinach, apple ... yum!
Come hOMe ... to yourself. This world wants you to forget, but your soul knows what’s up. Psyche is always guiding the way ... in dreams, intuitions, synchronicities, ‘random’ thoughts. Pay attention.
I have had many mini epiphanies about life since Christmas. Internal shifts that needed to happen, happened. I’d say ‘the old Heather is back,’ but that's not really true. Something brand new is being birthed and I’m loving it/her. So much of life has been really f*cking hard for two f*cking years, but I had to go through it to get here. I wasn’t sure i’d teach again. Now I know I will. In fact, I'm teaching now, just not in the same way I did before. I trust myself so much more than ever. I’m stronger than i thought possible.
I've been walking this path for a long time now. I've been trusting (and not trusting) myself for a long time now. It's funny looking back over the years. I wanted to become a yoga teacher, so I did. I wanted to solely teach yoga, so I did. I wanted to write a book, so I did. I wanted to stop writing that book and change direction, so I did. I wanted to stop teaching yoga and focus solely on writing, so I did. I have manifested many things into my life, almost effortlessly, it seems, though I know that's not entirely true. I've worked hard. I've had setbacks, and I'm still here, more committed than ever to my path.