• being human,  embodiment,  gratitude

    Embodied Gratitude

    My entire frame of reference throughout the last two and a half years has been pain, confusion, deep sadness, heart wrenching grief, primal abandonment and so much more. I didn’t know who the hell I was or what I was doing for the longest time, but i am emerging, breaking through to the other side now. I am ‘me’ once again, but not really—I am better, more me; I have grown, changed. I have transformed. I wrote this anecdote/poem/thought in the midst of it all. While i was so so sad … I somehow maintained a gratitude practice—not as whole heartedly as usual, but a practice, nonetheless. I knew I had to look for the good, lest I be further dragged down by it all. Radical gratitude, embodied gratitude … practices that change you from the inside out. It’s easy when things are good, necessary when life is hard. I feel compelled to share this today, as I sincerely want to move past the phrase, ‘life has been hard throughout the last 2+ years.’ Its a frame of reference that’s starting to feel like a broken record. I made it. I’m here, stronger than ever, and willing/able to hold space for others currently going through…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    The World Needs You

    The world doesn’t need you (or me) to be quiet. The world needs us to show up and speak up in our own unique ways—IN OUR OWN UNIQUE WAYS! We are all different. Its a blessing, and the world needs you, and me—all of us. Really inspired by the work & words of Will Pye these days. He writes about but here’s what he says of our uniqueness: “You are unique, never seen before, and never to be seen again. Allow that to sink in. You are, just like everyone else, a one-off creation. Thus, you play a role no one else can play in this human story. Each one of us plays multiple starring roles in this universal drama, paradoxically as magnificent as we are insignificant, perfect in our imperfection.”

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    On Choice and Agency

    I had a birthday last week, a big one. Just thinking of the number provides a sense of pride – that I’ve made it this far and that I have enough years behind me to consider myself somewhat wise. I’ll say it one last time, and then I think I won’t say it again, because this post is about choice and I must choose to be different in order to actually live differently … the last two years have been hard. But I made it through them. I was in a long dark night of the soul but I am through it. I have emerged, transformed, grown. And one of the things I’ve thought about recently is that I haven’t given myself enough credit for the grace in which I made it through those years. I am not special but I have far more to offer than I’ve offered up. I write here as though I’m confused. Sometimes I am, but often I’m not. I’m just more drawn to writing in my state of confusion as a way to make it all make sense. And I’ve forgotten that I’m an adult, damnit. I have been for over thirty years. I have choices. I have the…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    Love Over Fear

    Love over fear, always. Our energy matters. I remember this, then I forget. I think we all do. Life is so precious and scary and hard and beautiful and confusing, and we are all strong and weak, and fumbling through. I put so much pressure on myself … to be perfect, to do the right thing, to perform, to fit in, to be fun, witty, pretty, smart … but really I just need to show up. I need to be present, and allow the experience of life to unfold as it will instead of trying to control every damn thing (fear). Love demands that we see our conditioning and the ways we’re unconscious. Love demands that we stay open. Love allows. Love is freedom. Love is choice. Love is the essence of everything good. Love is present; love is here, yet in our human form it is also a practice. As physical beings we’re often drawn more to fear than love. It is up to each of us to choose differently in order to create a shift in consciousness. These are the random thoughts I think on a Tuesday night. 🤯 Happy New Moon, intention-setting time. Which will you choose — love or fear?

  • being human,  embodiment

    Learning to Live in Direct Experience

    I’ve gone quiet lately. Last week was busy with work and graduation prep and the weekend was full with my girl’s graduation ceremony and party. (That’s her in the pic; isn’t she beautiful?) Yesterday was the first day I journaled in a few weeks. And it struck me … I wasn’t writing because I didn’t want to fully feel, didn’t want to acknowledge the sadness that was here, under the surface. Anxiety was here. Angst was here. I felt it all. I’m much more in tune than I ever have been before, but I filled life up instead of slowing down to fully experience it. I think most of us do that, sometimes out of habit, others necessity, and sometimes we’re completely unaware. I am not saying we should drown in our fears, sadness or anxiety, but I do think we often mask it or avoid the negative feelings in lieu of the goodness of life. We are human; our emotions make us human, and I think avoiding the full range of that limits our ability to live a rich, full life. If we push the bad away and only try to experience the good, when will the good simply not be good enough anymore?…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  stories

    Happy Mama’s Day

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mamas out there. And a quick note to say that on this day, I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. That’s a rarity I’m excited to see end. I texted with one of my girlfriends this morning. She replied that its a hard day for her: both of her daughters will be moving out this summer. I replied that “I get it,” and that I’m here for her, and I am. I will be. The grief of losing my mom and my daughter (to a move to her father’s house) was a sadness I wasn’t sure I’d get over. It was certainly the longest grief period I’ve yet endured in life. I thank God for my husband who held space and saw me through day after day of lifelessness. I learned a lot about myself throughout the last two years — that I am resilient and that I need others, that I can put on a happy face when I need to and that I still like my alone time (even when I’m sad), that I have core abandonment issues to work out and that, essentially, my brain has been working against me. If I didn’t have the…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    Changing my Physiology

    Wanna know a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing.  And damn, have I been trying hard—too hard. For the longest time, I thought I had to get it ‘right.’ For the longest time I tried to be perfect. It just perpetuated more pain. So at the end of the struggle, I decided to just be me, but there was a problem. I didn’t know how to do that, exactly. I can’t explain why: my brain wasn’t working optimally, and that realization led to a billion other ‘a-has.’ I learned that I couldn’t use sheer will to change; I had to change my physiology. I had to change my brain. 

  • being human,  embodiment,  featured,  stories

    The Questions I’m Pondering Today

    It's Saturday morning and I'm feeling sad. It's been a great week. I was on a high for most of it, and a few incidents yesterday threw me into a mental tailspin; I went to bed with a heavy felt-sensation last night and woke up with the residue this morning. My medicine will be writing, getting outside and moving my body today. Any time I feel like this, I ask myself how much of it I want to feel and how much of it I need to move past. I think it's important to find a balance in both. If I avoid the way I'm feeling, how will I ever get better? And will it ever stop, if I always just move past it, move on to something better? How will I ever grow if I only set my sights on things that make me feel better? There has got to be a balance between feeling it all and not letting it overwhelm me. I don't have the answer. In fact, all of my questions only lead to more questions.

  • being human,  embodiment,  featured,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul,  stories

    Embodying My Life

    For as long as I can remember (forever) I've been a doer. I became a yoga teacher thirteen years ago, because I saw the gifts yoga freely gave and I wanted to be a conduit for that. More being, less doing. They say "we teach what we most need to learn." I wholeheartedly believe this statement to be true. So I taught yoga, the best way I knew how, for ten full years. I taught what I needed to learn, and in the process I learned and changed. I still teach now, but in a much different manner. I write about my experiences in the hopes that others see themselves in my stories, feel less alone, less crazy. It's my way of living my yoga. The 'be here now' message has been primary in my life, and I continue to do my best to embody it ... but something's been off, not quite right (yes, even all these years later in my process). My mind tells me one thing, while my body begs for something else. My mind doesn't stay long in one place. It's here, and then gone ... occupying the past or the future. (For me, mostly future. Did you know that we each…

  • being human,  embodiment,  featured

    Waking Up

    Albert Einstein is quoted as saying "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I am insane. You are insane. The entire world is insane; yes, the entire world is insane. There are far more insane people here than sane. Why? Because we live in a world of disillusion, ego and conditioning. We live in a world of people who believe in their thoughts. We live in a world of perceived separateness from source. CRAZYmaking bullshit. Our minds trick us into believing everything we think. Our minds believe our negativity and separateness, but our thoughts are not real.

Intentionally create your days; start with a mindful morning.
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