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Dust and Salt of the Earth
Dear Creator God, May we ever remember from whence we came, that we derive from the dust and become the salt of the earth—the mundane and the divine—at once, as one. May we know and live into this truth deep within our bones. May we recognize our grandeur, not by our wittiness, or humor or intellect, but by our inherent dignity as human persons, made in your image. Creator God, help us to re-member ourselves in our wholeness, the all of us, in our feet, gut, heart and knees. May we never again neglect our gorgeous human embodiment, but instead let it shine forth as a light of hope and transformation in a disembodied world. And finally, oh Holy One, make us ever remember—with a deep in our bones remembrance—our connection to all that is in the created world: humans unlike us in all…
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Embodied Liturgies
For a time now, I have been interested in the ways nature (creation–the natural, non-human world) and our embodiment (our lived bodily experience) intersect with the Divine and our spiritual expression. Everything of God is infused with power, grace, beauty and wholeness, but our lived experience — in a capitalist, segregated world — fights like hell to conceal these truths from us. Their primary job is to separate us, from ourselves, each other and the larger world. This body of work I am forming, with the help of the Divine, is an effort to reclaim our birthright. We are already whole. We are already connected. We are already love. We are already free. I envision this as a space to dream, write and create, and as a humble offering of my heart. Liturgy means ‘work of the people’ and my primary hope is that…
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Preserving My Words
I was thinking today about my words, how they are a deep, true part of me, and how for as long as I can remember, I’ve been using them to express myself, especially on paper (or screen). As I write this, I now know why. Verbally expressing myself in various situations has always been (and still is) hard for me. But my writing comes from deep inside … from silence, spaciousness, spirit (most of the time). These words often come out unexpectedly but with vigor and purpose. They come out because they must. I discovered my love of writing well into my college career, probably in my last year. I wasn’t a Journalism major (and I wished I was upon this discovery) but my concentration was loosely related, in Interpersonal Communication. As life and luck would have it, I’ve spent my entire career writing,…
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Accidie
I first encountered the word acedia (accidie in English) a few years ago. The definition: spiritual sloth, apathy, indifference. It gave me pause. I recognized it in myself. To me, it’s a feeling of ‘not quite right.’ Yet nothing is actually wrong either; no major catastrophe, no problem to solve, no daily issue. Just not quite right. I find the feeling a bit suffocating. And yet I know that by pushing it away, it will likely stay longer. ‘What we resist, persists,’ ya know? Here’s a little story from Richard Rohr, the Center for Action and Contemplation’s Daily Meditations: The wisdom of the desert tempers our instinct to avoid boredom and discomfort: Amma Syncletica’s (one of the desert mothers) bird metaphor speaks directly to one of the dilemmas of the spiritual life—that of coming to terms with the plain old ordinariness of spiritual practice…
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It All Has Meaning, But It Doesn’t Have to be Hard
This came to me as a mantra the other day in my discernment process. Anxiety, angst, ‘shoulding myself to death’ and frustration are clues on the spiritual journey, information to assess. And mostly it’s showing me what isn’t helpful instead of what is. While I’ve practiced embodiment for several years now, deeper layers continue to reveal themselves. Practices are how we live into who and how we want to be in the world. And what I see now is that there are many forces that wish to keep us stuck, forces that want us to be ill, disconnected … from each other, ourselves and the natural world. Healing, for me, begins with embodiment, nature, and dismantling the thought patterns that brought me here in the first place. And this paragraph from my training has been echoing in my head for the last few weeks:…
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What Is Humbling
Do you want to know what is humbling? Being the least equipped, stumbling, feeling stupid … and letting it be, just as it is. I had this experience this week. I admitted my shortcomings. I wrestled with doubt. I showed up. Uttered dumb stuff. Didn’t make excuses. And I sat with a deep well of pain that continues to show me the way. Ego tries to fix. Spirit flows, and lets things be. Ego hates the angst, tries to control it. Spirit allows it to exist without judgment. Ego makes excuses, justifies our actions. Spirit lets the Divine work it all out. I am humbled by my inadequacy and my deep adequacy at the same time. Not either or. Both and. As perfectly imperfect humans, this is true for all of us. Each of us have many gifts, and areas of life where we…
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How Do I Say Thank You
How do I say thank you, when ‘thank you’ feels inadequate? How do I say thank you when I really mean ‘thank you, but …’ How do I say thank you not only to the people who lift me up, but to all of creation that’s working on my behalf toward my ultimate becoming? ‘Thank you.’ Two simple words that express so much. A verbal expression of gratitude. A way of being in the world. And while the words ‘thank you’ are overused (and sometimes underused) in our culture, their essence can be a prayer of the heart, a deep yes to the goodness of life. I am thankful for those who show me kindness, those who see me in all of my human-ness, those who love me despite my faults. Thank you in French is ‘Merci,’ and the modern use of the word…
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Just Keep Swimming
Lately I’ve been thinking about all of the pivots I’ve made in my life, and the ways society (capitalism, the patriarchy) doesn’t like that. Society prefers the status quo, coloring in the lines, doing what we’ve always done. Society wants to keep us stuck. And perhaps that’s the reason for all of the pivots. I’ve seen through the lies of it for a very long time. But here’s the thing about going against the grain: it’s not easy. A lot of people won’t understand. And it can bring up a lot of fear, mental madness, questions … Am I weird? Am I alone? Am I the only one who sees the BS happening here? Contemplative practice calls us deeper into ourselves, and ultimately deeper into God. While not everything has meaning, it is our job to pay attention, and to keep going to that…
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We Are Only Ever Alone with God
I first read this statement about a month ago. It didn’t make sense. Until I dug deeper. Until I researched more; looked for greater context. Until I sat with it. I love Ram Dass’ interpretations of this truth: “When you know how to listen, everybody is the guru.” and this fun one-liner: “Treat everyone you meet as if they are God in drag.” Everything and everyone is IN God. As my esteemed teacher, James Finley often says, “If God stopped loving us today at the count of three, the entire universe would disappear in that moment.” God is the glue that holds the universe together. As I write this, I’m sitting in discernment, and luckily it’s the very thing we are studying in my master’s program right now. How is it that I can be so deep in my walk with God and yet understand…
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Too Much
What is too much and how can we tell that it is too much? Society pushes a ‘no pain, no gain’ mentality onto us; ‘face the fear and go for it.’ But what if we reject this mentality? What if we reject this narrative and choose our own path? What if we listen to our bodies and the still small voice inside of us? And how, exactly, do we do this? Lots of layers are currently being shed. I’m recognizing a guilt that’s been driving me but hasn’t been serving. Why does it take so long to figure things out and when will I stop making mistakes in order to learn the lessons I need to learn? Or perhaps, I need not call them mistakes, but test runs with the Divine? Not many things in life are truly mistakes if you believe everything is…
