• being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    On Choice and Agency

    I had a birthday last week, a big one. Just thinking of the number provides a sense of pride – that I’ve made it this far and that I have enough years behind me to consider myself somewhat wise. I’ll say it one last time, and then I think I won’t say it again, because this post is about choice and I must choose to be different in order to actually live differently … the last two years have been hard. But I made it through them. I was in a long dark night of the soul but I am through it. I have emerged, transformed, grown. And one of the things I’ve…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    Love Over Fear

    Love over fear, always. Our energy matters. I remember this, then I forget. I think we all do. Life is so precious and scary and hard and beautiful and confusing, and we are all strong and weak, and fumbling through. I put so much pressure on myself … to be perfect, to do the right thing, to perform, to fit in, to be fun, witty, pretty, smart … but really I just need to show up. I need to be present, and allow the experience of life to unfold as it will instead of trying to control every damn thing (fear). Love demands that we see our conditioning and the ways we’re unconscious.…

  • being human,  vlog

    Ball State Orientation

    Just a little video highlighting Maddie’s Freshman Orientation at Ball State. I’m so excited for her! Life doesn’t stop, so we hang on tight and go along for the ride, hopefully as consciously as possible, sometimes not.

  • being human,  embodiment

    Learning to Live in Direct Experience

    I’ve gone quiet lately. Last week was busy with work and graduation prep and the weekend was full with my girl’s graduation ceremony and party. (That’s her in the pic; isn’t she beautiful?) Yesterday was the first day I journaled in a few weeks. And it struck me … I wasn’t writing because I didn’t want to fully feel, didn’t want to acknowledge the sadness that was here, under the surface. Anxiety was here. Angst was here. I felt it all. I’m much more in tune than I ever have been before, but I filled life up instead of slowing down to fully experience it. I think most of us do that, sometimes…

  • being human,  stories,  vlog

    Reasons for Starting a Vlog

    For some reason, anytime I start something new I feel compelled to justify my WHY. I'm speaking here of my forays into vlogging. Why am I embarking on this new task? Why does it feel a bit monumental? And why do I feel kind of dumb about doing it, like I think I'm so important that others will want to see me on film? The answer to the last question is that I don't, but I've hidden for too long; I'm in the process of putting myself out there more in an effort to stop hiding. They say, "the way you do anything is the way you do everything," and I think that's…

  • being human,  vlog

    An Attempt at Vlogging

    So so so much is changing, and all for the better. In an attempt to not cringe when I listen to myself speak, here's my first attempt at vlogging. I'm doing it for so many more reasons than that, but it's certainly one big one. Here is one evening in my life. I hope to do more. Happy Wednesday!

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  stories

    Happy Mama’s Day

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mamas out there. And a quick note to say that on this day, I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. That’s a rarity I’m excited to see end. I texted with one of my girlfriends this morning. She replied that its a hard day for her: both of her daughters will be moving out this summer. I replied that “I get it,” and that I’m here for her, and I am. I will be. The grief of losing my mom and my daughter (to a move to her father’s house) was a sadness I wasn’t sure I’d get over. It was certainly the longest grief period…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

    Changing my Physiology

    Wanna know a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing.  And damn, have I been trying hard—too hard. For the longest time, I thought I had to get it ‘right.’ For the longest time I tried to be perfect. It just perpetuated more pain. So at the end of the struggle, I decided to just be me, but there was a problem. I didn’t know how to do that, exactly. I can’t explain why: my brain wasn’t working optimally, and that realization led to a billion other ‘a-has.’ I learned that I couldn’t use sheer will to change; I had to change my physiology. I had to change my brain. 

  • being human,  love letters for the soul

    Collective Healing Changes the World

    Do you ever think about what you’re doing here on the earth plane? That seems to be my central question of each day. I am always trying to make meaning of life, make the moments matter, be better than i was the day before. Sometimes I am too much. Sometimes I feel abnormal, too intense. Do I feel too much? Write too much? Question too much? But all of this is authentically me; it’s who I am, and shouldn’t that be good enough? For the longest time, I hid my gifts. I hid, period. But age is funny. It puts everything into perspective; it provides the ability to look back and see the…

  • being human,  embodiment,  stories

    The Questions I’m Pondering Today

    It's Saturday morning and I'm feeling sad. It's been a great week. I was on a high for most of it, and a few incidents yesterday threw me into a mental tailspin; I went to bed with a heavy felt-sensation last night and woke up with the residue this morning. My medicine will be writing, getting outside and moving my body today. Any time I feel like this, I ask myself how much of it I want to feel and how much of it I need to move past. I think it's important to find a balance in both. If I avoid the way I'm feeling, how will I ever get better? And…