For some reason, anytime I start something new I feel compelled to justify my WHY. I’m speaking here of my forays into vlogging. Why am I embarking on this new task? Why does it feel a bit monumental? And why do I feel kind of dumb about doing it, like I think I’m so important that others will want to see me on film? The answer to the last question is that I don’t, but I’ve hidden for too long; I’m in the process of putting myself out there more in an effort to stop hiding.
They say, “the way you do anything is the way you do everything,” and I think that’s true. If I take the time to do something and it feels important, I’ll go all in; I’m not a half-asser. Since I created my first vlog last week, I’ve read all about the craft and watched endless videos to learn tips on how the best vloggers do it.
Merriam-Webster defines vlogging as a blog that contains video material, but most vlogs are about people recording their days. While I may make a few like that, I’m more interested in telling a story and learning new ways to be creative. I’m interested in combining the things I love into a vlog — writing, nature, poetry, living a soul-filled life, being embodied … all the things I write about here. And while I’m not interested in being in front of the camera, I think I need to force myself into it because of my uncomfortability. Surely I’ll get better through the process.
I have realized through mom’s death and the unpacking of my life with and without her in the months that followed, that she never had a voice — and that I, in many ways, was going down the same road. I also have nothing tangible of my mom now that’s she’s passed. She left nothing in writing. I have few pics of her, and little recollection of conversations with her; she spoke very little. Because of this, leaving pieces of me is extremely important. My writing has always been ‘my voice,’ but over the years my speaking voice has weakened. I am turning to a vlog to reclaim it.
Here are some of the main reasons I am starting this new little adventure:
- For Madison: I want her to have pieces of me when I’m no longer here
- To record life in a new way
- To see and hear myself on film (to stop hiding)
- To foster deeper creativity
- To slow down and reflect
- To learn a new skill
- To share my words through a different medium (I’ve always communicated via the written word)
- To help me believe in myself more
Who knows where this all will take me. That’s exciting too. My head says things like: ‘this feels huge, there’s such a learning curve, you’re not in your twenties, Heather, why?’ But “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Gotta start somewhere. I hope you’ll follow along here and on my YouTube channel. It’s great to connect! More to come as it all unfolds.