being human

Focus on Healing Over Hurting

The last part of this week has been hard. I’ve had a relationship in need of repair and some things came to a head. I can’t fix what’s broken, not alone anyway. I can’t control the other person and we’re not seeing life in the same way. To make things worse, this is a primary relationship; we’ve always been close. I am and always will be invested.

The situation has led to deep introspection of self and other, and in looking at things objectively, I recognize that when we are hurt, we project our feelings onto others. Personally, I try to communicate my way though difficulty, but that’s not always the answer. Its not the answer in this situation. Other people are just that — others, with different preferences and coping strategies.

Sooo, I recognize my pain and I wonder about the other. All I’m left with are my thoughts and emotions. I’m left with an open wound that will not close on it’s own.

Because I choose not to be a victim, I look to solutions — for healing if possible, and for comfort at a minimum.

Emotions are amazing and confusing and aggravating and perplexing and … I find myself trying to figure things out, only to realize that doing so is an impossible task. The way I feel one day is completely different from how I feel the next — and the next and the next. I’ve narrowed my current strategy down to two guiding principles:

  • To take things day by day (or moment by moment), and to
  • Stop focusing on the things that hurt, instead focusing on the things that heal.

“Aparigraha, letting go, is the experience of forgiveness and surrender in order to get present. While forgiveness can seem difficult, it is also as easy as choosing to release and be at peace. When we forgive, nothing changes in the other person but something huge changes within us. The other person still did whatever they did and our acceptance of it doesn’t give them permission to hurt us. We’re already hurt. We don’t punish someone by staying mad at them. We punish ourselves by holding on to that hurt.”   Courtney Seiberling

It sounds so simple, if only it was. Theory is one thing. Practice is another. But that’s a good way to sum up life. It’s a practice of being, of living in this physical form, reconciling our physical hurt with the surrender that is the natural state of the soul.

Wishing you peace today and always. If you’re hurt, I see you, and I hope that my words have helped.

Photo by @gebhartyler on Unsplash