being human,  learning,  writing

Doing Hard Things

Doing hard things looks a lot different than what it used to look like. Doing hard things used to look like exerting my will. It used to look like a lot of effort. It used to look like grinding out each day. It used to look like making a name for myself and being in the spotlight.

It is so funny how all of the things I used to want I have zero need for any more. Living in a calmer, more quiet way is the thing that most soothes my soul. It is not that I have nothing to prove, it’s just that I have much less to prove to others than I have to prove to myself.

These days, mostly what I have to prove to myself is that I have the capacity of becoming the person I am supposed to be. And I am finding that word — becoming — a word I use a lot. Yet, as I ponder it, I see that it’s not as accurate as another word: UNCOVERING. I am uncovering who I was all along, through all the masks and the faces that I’ve shown to the rest of the world.

My mind is almost never quiet, yet I know that the quiet is where the answers lie, so while my mind doesn’t have that natural tendency or disposition, inviting silence (which I do regularly) offers deep inner calm and stillness, and provides the anwers I’m seeking.

Sooooo, doing hard things? Getting quiet. That might be one of the hardest things to do, and yet consistently getting quiet is the very thing I need to transform myself into the person I want to be.

Uncovering: the me that is here today is the me that’s been here all along. It’s the me that’s been covered over because I didn’t think she was enough. It’s the me that has conformed to society. It’s the me who thought she had to be brigher, louder, ever more successful. It’s the me who thought she had to get noticed to have value.

It turns out, the quieter you become, the more you can hear, and often the more others will hear you because you actually have something useful to say.

Photo by Carmen Marxuach on Unsplash