being human,  gratitude,  rituals

Letting Go

“letting go doesn’t mean forgetting; it means we stop carrying the energy of the past into the present” (yung pueblo)

Yes, yes and more yes; this resonates deeply but how do we actually DO IT? From my experience, it seems something ‘just happens,’ a shift suddenly occurs OR we struggle for so long that we eventually must ritualize a new energy into our consciousness … we must physically do something different, poetic, scary, out-of-character.

With deep loss throughout the last two years, I’ve had a hard time letting go. I could never quite shake the dread of where I was in life. Instead of living in the now, I kept looking back, wishing things could be the way they were. I couldn’t stop myself, even though I knew it wasn’t healthy. I was stuck. I had to do something drastically different for a change to occur.

We took a trip over the Christmas holiday, just my husband and I, something we’d never done before and I’m so glad we did. It didn’t feel like Christmas at all. It was exactly what I needed. There is now a distinct ‘before and after.’ That trip was the ritualistic thing that needed to happen to stop the flow of negative past energy from continuing into the present.

I took a six and a half mile walk through the streets of Savannah, alone, on Christmas Day. I was sad. I couldn’t shake the emptiness I felt. I walked and walked, observing couples, families, people in groups, very few solos like me. I felt alone but I chose it. A shift occurred as I walked. My self pity morphed into gratitude. I saw the craziness of my thoughts, and began to feel grateful–for everything that had made up my life up until that day, and for all that would follow. I saw my blessings for what they were. I saw life in a different light. I saw the people I’d been so sad about in a new way. A weight was lifted on Christmas Day. The energy of the past no longer has the hold it had for so long.

Everything that happens to us is in us. We can never forget, nor should we. Life is good and bad but it isn’t black and white; it just IS. And most importantly, we can choose the way we see things, the way we internalize how life happens to us. We are co-creators, not victims, though we often forget. We can choose our energy instead of letting it take us over.

I now see how much I contributed to my suffering, but it had to be that way. Life wouldn’t be as sweet if I didn’t have the shit to compare it to. Like you, I’m a work in progress. I take the work seriously, like my life depends on it, because it does. Happy New Year, friends.

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