being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul

Changing my Physiology

Wanna know a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing.

And damn, have I been trying hard—too hard. For the longest time, I thought I had to get it ‘right.’ For the longest time I tried to be perfect. It just perpetuated more pain. So at the end of the struggle, I decided to just be me, but there was a problem. I didn’t know how to do that, exactly. I can’t explain why: my brain wasn’t working optimally, and that realization led to a billion other ‘a-has.’ I learned that I couldn’t use sheer will to change; I had to change my physiology. I had to change my brain.

I’m still in that process, and I am healing. I’ll share a little more about that here as time moves on. I am doing the work and loving a little harder than I thought I could—myself first, followed by others.

Here’s what I’ve learned: when you don’t know, stop. Take a deep breath, smile, and let it all be. Exactly as it is. Love yourself enough to trust. Where you are is right on time. Where you are is perfect, is divine. And you will be shown the way, the next step on your healing journey if you can live in that knowing.

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