• being human,  embodiment,  stories

    The Questions I’m Pondering Today

    It's Saturday morning and I'm feeling sad. It's been a great week. I was on a high for most of it, and a few incidents yesterday threw me into a mental tailspin; I went to bed with a heavy felt-sensation last night and woke up with the residue this morning. My medicine will be writing, getting outside and moving my body today. Any time I feel like this, I ask myself how much of it I want to feel and how much of it I need to move past. I think it's important to find a balance in both. If I avoid the way I'm feeling, how will I ever get better? And…

  • being human,  embodiment,  gratitude,  love letters for the soul,  stories

    Embodying My Life

    For as long as I can remember (forever) I've been a doer. I became a yoga teacher thirteen years ago, because I saw the gifts yoga freely gave and I wanted to be a conduit for that. More being, less doing. They say "we teach what we most need to learn." I wholeheartedly believe this statement to be true. So I taught yoga, the best way I knew how, for ten full years. I taught what I needed to learn, and in the process I learned and changed. I still teach now, but in a much different manner. I write about my experiences in the hopes that others see themselves in my stories, feel…

  • stories,  synchronicities

    Plans for a Cut Flower Garden

    I had a vision when we first moved to the 19. It consisted of flowers everywhere. I declared that I wanted to be a flower farmer that year, but much of the time was spent landscaping around the house and growing vegetables instead. My flower farm plans were put on hold. We’ve had a successful vegetable garden for the last four years but at the end of last season, we decided we’d grown too much. Both of us too busy to sell at the farmers market, we gave away much of our crop to friends and family. It sure would be a lot more fun to give flowers away, I thought. I love…

  • being human,  embodiment,  stories

    My Journey to Healing

    This journey to heal myself has been a winding road indeed. I'm not done yet, but a great many things are making a lot of sense. Becoming sober curious has shed light on things I couldn't see, as has counseling and all of the embodiment work I've done in the last year. But learning about my brain throughout the last month has been the most eye-opening of all. The results of my quantitative EEG were telling, though not surprising. Overactive beta waves as well as underactive delta, theta, alpha and high beta waves revealed what I'd suspected, an overactive limbic system. I'm working with a naturopath to eliminate high blood pressure medicine from…

  • being human,  stories

    Learning to Be a Better Me

    You ever go through so much change you don’t know who you are anymore? For me, a few difficult events led to a gradual process of huge transformation. And I didn’t even realize the magnitude of all I was going through until a friend pointed it out. She told me to stop, to be gentle, to give myself a little grace. I was so hard on myself prior to that, treating myself with little respect—a way I’d never treat another person. It took months following my mom’s death to put pieces of my heart back together. I'm still not 'the same.' I never will be; I don't think I'm supposed to be. But…

  • being human,  embodiment,  stories

    Writing to Discover the Truth

    I have a lump on the side of my breast. I discovered it three days ago, just after a boudoir shoot I did for my husband. I felt sexy, empowered, beautiful and strong, followed by every opposite emotion after discovering the lump. I have no idea what it is. Perhaps I have nothing to worry about; perhaps it will change my life. One rule of writing is to choose what you will say, how you will say it and how much to reveal. Writing for the self and writing for an audience are two entirely different things. Another rule of writing is to tell the truth.

  • being human,  stories,  synchronicities

    Today I Take A Little More of My Life Back

    On this day one year ago my mom told me she was giving up her fight with cancer. Less than two hours later my daughter, my only child, came home from school and announced that she wanted to transfer to her dad's school district. It was not a good day. I lived in heartbreak for months. I've never been prone to depression but that is exactly what I would call the period that followed. Nine years ago on this day my life was forever changed when I learned of a careless, reckless act between two people -- one person I love dearly, the other I barely know. It wasn't a good day either.…

  • being human,  stories

    Examining Story & Truth

    How much of life do we go through believing everything we think, say and do is truth? How much do we judge others because of our own viewpoints, without ever really taking into account the other person’s reality? But reality infers truth, and most of us don’t know the depths of the truth that exists. We live, instead, in the stories. And I think most of the time we only scratch the surface. Each of us is the sum of our experiences, but there is more to it than that. We are the things that have happened to us. We are the things that haven’t happened to us. We are our parents voices.…

  • stories,  synchronicities

    How a Cardinal is Pointing the Way

    As she was preparing for D1 Prospect Camp she looked through a list of logos for all of the colleges that would be there. “What school is this?” she asked as she pointed to an image of a red bird. “I don’t know,” I say. Ball State University was one of the main school’s to pay attention to her at the camp. She worked extensively with the Associate Head Coach, Josh, and found out that day what school that bird belonged to. Their motto, “as cardinals, we fly.” . . . “I want a shirt that just says BALL, or SOFTBALL,” she said to me several months ago, months before she knew Ball State…