• being human,  stories,  synchronicities

    Today I Take A Little More of My Life Back

    On this day one year ago my mom told me she was giving up her fight with cancer. Less than two hours later my daughter, my only child, came home from school and announced that she wanted to transfer to her dad's school district. It was not a good day. I lived in heartbreak for months. I've never been prone to depression but that is exactly what I would call the period that followed. Nine years ago on this day my life was forever changed when I learned of a careless, reckless act between two people -- one person I love dearly, the other I barely know. It wasn't a good day either.…

  • being human,  writing

    Conscious Writing

    I've been a technical writer, content strategist and copywriter for the bulk of my professional career. It's not what I planned; it just happened. But as I look back at my college days I see the seeds. Getting older offers the gift of clear-er seeing. When I began teaching yoga over a decade ago, I felt a distinct pull to do more personal writing -- for myself and others. That practice has been a mainstay ever since. I'm calmer and more focused in the process. I understand myself in a deeper way. I see how my thoughts work (for and against me). Personal writing -- conscious writing -- makes me more me. For…

  • being human,  embodiment

    Questions I’m Pondering This Morning

    Life flows. But sometimes it stops too. Sometimes we can visibly see and feel a before and an after. I feel this truth distinctly in my mom's passing. It feels as though naivete was the norm while she was alive, whereas darkness has settled into life since. It's not an every day darkness. For the most part I'm still in love with life; things just seem more real than they ever have been -- and yes, some days totally do suck. I also continue to gain a greater sense of myself, a self I don't always like. Life isn't as happy as it was before, and I can't seem to get back to…

  • being human

    Finite Thinking in an Infinite World

    Earlier this week I wrote about how travel is good for the soul and created a post on social media posing the question of what it does for others. A yoga friend of mine said she loved to travel because of the anonymity of it; she loves being another smiling face in the crowd. What a beautiful idea, I thought, and it got me thinking about how travel connects us to humanity, how it connects us to each other. It reminds us that we are a small part of the greater whole. Travel humbles us and makes us realize that our every day lives are not as large as we sometimes believe.

  • being human

    Travel is Good for the Soul

    I wrote about lightening the load before I left for California last week. I feel the truth of it more deeply upon my return. Packing only a large backpack for a five day trip, I still took too much. I was a little fearful of a new place, a big unfamiliar city many states away. It feels silly now. Sure, being cautious is a good thing, awareness is necessary when traveling, but I made more up in my mind about how it would or could be than how it actually was. There were several surreal moments as we were traveling along Highway 1. My eyes pooled with tears that matched the saltiness of…

  • being human

    Lightening the Load

    M and I are taking a trip to California to celebrate her 18th birthday; I’m organizing to get ready. While I tend to travel (and live) light, each excursion provides an opportunity to examine how I can be more minimalistic. I love the thought of living out of a carry-on bag for several days. Today I reorganized my every day items, eliminating things I rarely use. I feel out of sorts this morning, but a little lighter too. While we can physically see that decluttering helps the home, we can also physically feel the act of doing so in our bodies. I know who I am and what’s important to me. Living with…

  • being human

    What People Think of You is None of Your Business

    My outgoing teen daughter has an issue with my social graces lately. Ms. Rosy Sunshine talks to everyone she meets, and likes to visit with friends often. She’s happy, funny and smart. Others enjoy her company. I remember way back when — I was her. Over the years I’ve changed. I would rather be alone — a lot. I recognized this in myself over a decade ago when I worked full-time at a busy government office. Instead of going out to lunch with co-workers, I’d typically pack, eat outside and take a brisk walk to clear my head. These days I work from home and I am in my element. I spend most days writing. We live in…

  • being human,  stories

    Examining Story & Truth

    How much of life do we go through believing everything we think, say and do is truth? How much do we judge others because of our own viewpoints, without ever really taking into account the other person’s reality? But reality infers truth, and most of us don’t know the depths of the truth that exists. We live, instead, in the stories. And I think most of the time we only scratch the surface. Each of us is the sum of our experiences, but there is more to it than that. We are the things that have happened to us. We are the things that haven’t happened to us. We are our parents voices.…

  • being human

    But Are You Happy?

    Maybe I’m built differently or maybe I’m just like you but I question everything. I have far more questions about life than answers. I drive myself (and likely those around me) crazy with my incessant wondering about the meaning of life. It’s why I write. I’m hoping one day the answers will show up. Or maybe they’re already here; I just can’t connect the thoughts into a cohesive unit to make it all make sense. Everything swirls and I’m left wondering. Am I okay? Very well then. Am I happy? What brings me joy? And if joy comes from solitary activities, am I missing the point of life? Why do I judge myself so much? Why do I…

  • being human

    Vanity & Aging

    I wrote an Instagram post last night, about being vain and how much it drives me crazy. The attached ‘snap chatted’ photo of me accompanied the post. My skin is flawless thanks to the filter. It’s not real life. I am forty-nine years old. I don’t look forty-nine in the photo, do I? I’m glad I don’t look forty-nine. Within the last month, I’ve been carded three times for alcohol. I ran into an old friend who asked my age then raved that I don’t age. Another acquaintance said she couldn’t believe I was that old. “Get out,” she said. This was real life. I felt so happy and proud in each of…